Reinvention: I’m not an expert, but I play one on TV (Lifehacking at 50+)
Okay, so the start of a new year means a fresh page in the Things I Want To Accomplish book, and that includes quitting bad habits and making new, good ones. Not resolutions – I’m not sure if those work – but more like Reinvention. Looking at life from a different perspective and saying NOT “what do I want to be?” but “WHO do I want to be?”.
Admitting that I need help sometimes (okay, a lot of the time), I’ve been doing a lot of research on reinvention lately. I find that a lot of it applies to retired people, so I’m including the findings here in the hope that it will give us SecondLifers some direction and hope. Now, if I can only follow these steps myself!
Steps to Reinvention
Keep in mind that we constantly reinvent ourselves. It is how we grow and improve over our lifetimes. There are some steps which, if you know them, will make the process easier.
You will probably fall apart first. Feel like nothing is working any more. Health problems, job loss, retirement stripped away your identity. That’s okay, it’s even good and healthy. Breakdown clears the way for change.
Learn the power of letting go (of the past, of bad programming, of futile hopes). Think about the future and who you could be if you let all that go. Who you want to be. Deep down inside. Choose that person over family, over bad upbringing and bad stuff you were taught in school, choose freedom from resentment and the desire for revenge, freedom over people-pleasing. Which means…
Don’t worry about what people think.
Admit fear.
Come right out and say, “I want to reinvent myself.”
Start by being honest with yourself and others. Clean up your life. Keep your word.
Describe your passion. See if you can get it down to ONE WORD.
Do research. Learn from the best, positive, role models. Read stuff about them.
Associate with the right people. Meet with them as often as you can. Join a group if it will help. Network. Find mentors if you can. BE AWARE that some of your current relationships – family, friends and so on – will try to sabotage you, because they are jealous that you will succeed where they haven’t, or they are afraid they will lose you as a buddy. Cut them loose (as much as you can; sometimes you can’t entirely avoid a family member, so ignore them to the extent that you can, or allow their snarky comments to roll off you). Stay with people who lift you up.
Size doesn’t matter. It may be a small change that sets you on a different path.
Put your money where it counts – invest in your happiness, not just in your financial future.
Do stuff that inspires you. If it keeps you moving ahead, keep doing it. If it makes you dwell on the lack in your life – education gaps, personality deficits, bad upbringing, lack of money, lack of relationships, lack of job, etc. – stop it and do something else.
It takes practice. You won’t get it right the first few times. And it takes a long time; especially if you are starting over in a new field, it will take about five to ten years. But those years will pass anyway; wouldn’t you rather spend them pursuing your dream? Begin again. Fail, start over. Begin again. Fail, start over. Begin… But be persistent. Keep at it.
Trust uncertainty. Seek your passion, then set out toward it, being open to possibilities and buoyed by the belief that you have what it takes to get you there. Get out of your comfort zone, but trust that you can do it. Yes, you will fail sometimes (see above), but if you keep at it, you will succeed. You’ve done it many times in the past.
And don’t fall back into your comfort zone by doing stuff you know you can accomplish well. Your day will be eaten up with housecleaning, grocery shopping, dog walking, emailing and making dinner, and before you know it, it will be gone.
The fast track is find your passion and chase it. That will help you focus. Break it into workable tasks and work toward the completion of a task every day. At the very least, once a week.
But! If you’re stuck, change direction.
THIS IS DICEY. IT CAUSES MENTAL ANGUISH TO QUIT ONE BEHAVIOR UNLESS YOU HAVE A BETTER BEHAVIOR TO TAKE UP AND REPLACE THE OLD ONE.
If you don’t have a passion, or don’t know it, just do SOMETHING POSITIVE. It will get you moving. If nothing else, work on your health and getting into shape. Fill in your education gaps. Learn a language. Volunteer somewhere. However, it must be positive and IT CANNOT BE WITHIN YOUR COMFORT ZONE, BECAUSE THEN IT WILL BE BUSY WORK/PROCRASTINATION.
If you’re still looking for a passion, go back to your past and reflect on what used to float your boat. See if there’s a modern path that can re-ignite that flame. Were you in the middle of something when you got off track?
Then here’s the deal: you are going to rebel. You will do one or more of the following: (a) fall back into procrastination and busy work, and think that because you are accomplishing stuff, you are being positive. It doesn’t work that way; (b) get volatile and yell at people. Yes, reinventing yourself is frustrating and you will do a bad job at first, but you need to keep at it if you are to fulfill your dreams and your potential; (c) become very, very tired. You will want to sleep all the time, but recognize it for what it is – avoiding change, and tell yourself to keep working on your dream; (d) want to go out drinking and partying. Again, please recognize this as avoiding change.
But finally, you will see progress. And then the heavens will open and the angels will sing. And so will you.
Have you reinvented yourself? Will you share your story with us?